Sex As Fair Trade

Perhaps Tyler is on the right track - maybe sex is all about gains-from-trade. Not defying them though, but maybe about how to divide them. I've been thinking about this for a good chunk of the day, and perhaps sex is like fair (as opposed to free) trade.

Economists are great advocates of free trade. Voluntary exchange (there's that catchphrase again) between consenting individuals yields gains-from-trade; that is, an objective sense in which both sides are better off. Sounds a bit like sex too.

The great difficulty that free trade has when it confronts the legions of folk economists out on the street is that it is silent on how those gains-from-trade are divided. Envy and suspicion are almost always included in the driving factors that lead to each breakdown of free trade.

Any number of paradoxes and anomalies familiar to economics teachers point to the importance of the perception of fair division of gains-from-trade (for example, most people would prefer to be rich in a poor country, rather than poor in a rich country, even if they were richer in absolute terms in the second case). Again this sounds a lot like sex: would you rather have a lot of sex with a partner perceived as undesirable by others, or less sex with someone perceived as desirable by others? Just as with money, I think a lot of people would choose the latter.

But, you didn't read this far for economics, but rather for an insight about sex. My insight is that sex is a form of fair trade. Partners don't seem to care too much about whether sex makes them both better off, as much as whether it makes them both better off in some reasonable proportion.

This may sound like personal relationship heresy, but I think I've got to the heart of the question posted by Marginal Revolution. Consider these examples:

• For those who are currently in a monogamous relationship, how seriously would you consider a new sexual endeavor with your partner that made your sex life better, but wildly improved your partners (say to the point of partial or temporary ecstatic incapacitation)?
• Alternatively, for those of you with some sexual history, how many of you are currently with the partner who got the most enjoyment out of individual sex acts with you?

In the former case, this is a family blog, so I won't go into the details, but I think it is a safe bet that you can think of an occassional practice or fantasy that fits this description.

In the latter case, I don't want to insult any current partners, but don't you think that courtship involves some degree of matching of sexual interests, energies, inventiveness, vocalization, and so on? No one ever tells war stories about someone who was just like their current partner, do they?

BTW: I chose the words carefully in the first bullet point to reflect one of my favorite scenes from Seinfeld. George's girlfriend Susan recovers a box of papers from the wreckage of her parents' cabin (burned down accidentally by Kramer). She opens it and reads the top page - a love letter from novelist John Cheever to her heretofore un-outed father stating that "Dear Henry, last night with you was bliss. I fear my orgasm has left me a cripple. I don't how how I shall ever get back to work. I love you madly, John.".

Comments

[Tom Hanna]

"I've been thinking about this for a good chunk of the day,"

And I thought that I was bad for thinking about it for fifteen minutes.

[Angie]

Can you think bout something non-sex related?? I have been without much too long, and all this thinking and reading is getting me thinking and reading and needing. And pretty soon I'm going to be throwing stuff.

[Dave Tufte]

I don't know whether it is better to be priapic or dismal.

But, since this isn't the only cyberspot to get amusement out of my thinking about that topic all day.

Drum roll please .... it was actually the dismal aspects of it that I was thinking about.

On the bright side, this confirms that I'm content with what I'm getting ...

[Ontario Emperor]

Reactions to monetary free vs. fair trade vary depending upon what part of the world you are in. Is the same variability also true for sex? For example, would exchange issues differ between, say, Amsterdam and Lancaster Pennsylvania?

More study is needed.

[Dave Tufte]

I think this is the point.

Fair trade is nonsense on paper, but somehow it matters to people's wetware. I think the same thing would apply for relationships, but it would depend on the environement and history of the couple rather than geographic location, politics, or relative wealth as in trade.

[Dave Tufte]

I'm guessing that one's porn spam ... Anita Blond sounds like a name George Costanza would've thought up.