Would you believe this came in an e-mail forward from my mother? I laughed at a few of them so here you go.
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
- I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
- You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
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